If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
