I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
