Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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