Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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