Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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