who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
