The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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