If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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