No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
