Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found your dick twin last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize