I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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