You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
