mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
