it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
