people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
