i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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