Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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