"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
