wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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