Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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