You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
