Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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