Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
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so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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