I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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