I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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