we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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