Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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