she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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