I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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