I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
