so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
