i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
