She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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