Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
