I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
