so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
