Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
