his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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