I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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