It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize