i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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