i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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