Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
