I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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