I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
