Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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