I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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