very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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