Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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