No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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