i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
