About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
