i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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