Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
